The Marks of a Godly Father

6/14/2025

Elijah McSwain, Sr.

Ephesians 6:4 NKJV — And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

In various segments of society, there is a tendency to diminish the significance of the role of a father. Cultural stereotypes have depicted fathers as being emotionally detached, lacking a significant presence in the home, being ineffective in their parental roles, lacking the element of being nurturing, and often as being preoccupied with matters outside of the household. Regardless of the conversation surrounding fathers from a worldly perspective, God has determined that fathers are important in the specific responsibility that they have been given. Fathers play a crucial role in their headship of leading well within their respective household.

Fathers are spiritual leaders. Fathers are protectors. Fathers are providers. Fathers provide security and stability. Fathers are examples. Fathers are influential. Fathers are image-bearers of God. Fathers model faith. Fathers are encouragers. Fathers are disciplinarians. Fathers are instructors. Fathers are men of integrity. Fathers are honorable. Fathers are noble. Fathers are God fearing. Fathers seek God.

These are a few marks of a godly fathers. Along the same lines of who God desires godly fathers to be, there are two marks that Ephesians 6:4 reveals about a godly father. A godly father avoids provoking his children to wrath. A godly father instructs his children biblically.

A Godly Father Avoids Provoking His Children to Wrath

The writer of this Ephesians epistle is the Apostle Paul. In this section of his letter, he focuses on the parental authority of the father. He advises fathers not to abuse their parental authority. Paul naturally understood and outlined that children have a responsibility to obey their parents. He opened Ephesians 6:1-3 [NKJV) with the notion “children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” So, what Paul was getting ready to disclose in verse four did not dismiss parents’ parental authority but highlights the avoidance of misusing it. Verse four opens with the declaration, “and fathers do not provoke your children to wrath.”

Scholars articulated that “parents have responsibility both to discipline and to instruct their children. Fathers are to take the lead in this responsibility. Parents are not to provoke . . . wrath in their children. Discipline is not to be arbitrary or driven by anger.” 1

Provoke means to enrage or stir up anger in them which leads to resentment. In our discipline and instruction toward our children, our actions should be godly, nurturing, corrective, and done with patience as we rear children. Often certain approaches can lead to discouragement, bitterness, isolation, and distance. Colossians 3:21 (NKJV) reveals “fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” Discouragement leads to children harboring certain feelings that if left unattended leads to a path of disrupted interaction between the proper child and parental relationship. Instead of the parental and child relationship functioning as God intended in relation to honor and respect, the relationship is based on disrespect and dishonor.

John Stott reminds us that “parents can easily misuse their authority either by making irritating or unreasonable demands which make no allowances for the inexperience and immaturity of children, or by harshness and cruelty at one extreme or by favoritism and over-indulgence at the other, or by humiliating or suppressing them, or by those two vindictive weapons sarcasm and ridicule. These are some of the parental attitudes which provoke resentment and anger in children.” 2 When fathers provoke their children in such a manner, it is a failure on their part to lead by God’s design. It is a means of leading in a divisive, harsh, and immature manner outside of the commands of God. Leading under this kind of negative manner leads to irritation in the home. It causes children to develop a mindset of resistance toward their fathers.

Harold Hoehner said “logically, the irritation caused by nagging and demeaning fathers in the context of everyday life may in turn cause children to become angry. This anger grows, no doubt, out of the frustration of never being able to please fathers who constantly nag or demean them.” 3

When children take on this mindset, it leads to internal pressure that causes internal frustration. Out of frustration is born anger and wrath that produces inappropriate acts, behavior, and responses from our children. They become infuriated and burn with anger as they are incapable of living up to harsh and demeaning expectations. Unknowingly or knowingly, fathers have thus provoked their children to wrath. The mark of a godly father entails of a man who avoids provoking his children to wrath. John Muddiman noted “fathers must avoid provoking their children to anger, for anger gives the devil room to incite even worse offences. Fathers will do this by making only reasonable demands from their children in line with the positive command that follows. They are to nurture them in the metaphorical sense by schooling and instruction.” 4 If we love our own flesh, our offspring, we will do all we can to raise our children by God’s standard.

If fathers want to provoke their children, provoke them to the things of God.

Hebrews 10:24 (KJV) declares “let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works.” Even though Hebrews 10:24 is speaking in relation to believers encountering other believers in the narrow sense, in a broader sense it can apply in other situations as in the home as well. The disposition of being gentle and self-controlled in our discipline and instructions will have a more positive impact on our children. It will cause children to honor and respect their parents, while they are being molded in the way of the Lord. Inciting our children to love and walking in the ways of God can lead our children to come to know Him as Savior through Jesus Christ. So, it is imperative for fathers to avoid provoking our children to wrath. Instead, we should provoke our children to love and good works.

A Godly Father Instructs His Children Biblically

Paul emphasized that fathers are to “bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” The word “training” means discipline and the word “admonition” means counsel or advice.

Fathers are given instructions to cultivate their children through systematic biblical training and indoctrination.

Max Anders implied “growing up in a Christian home is intended to be a very positive experience for both parent and child when each plays his proper role.” 5 Cultivation of a child is given in this text as a duty to develop, shape and mode the mind of a child though Christian education. Fathers are declared in verse four to religiously educate our children in the ways of the Lord. This is not the father’s responsibility alone as 2 Timothy 1:5 pictures Lois and Eunice teaching Timothy the holy Scriptures from his childhood. Training, nurturing, and instructing our children as fathers is reminiscent of Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV) that advises to “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

To train implies to take and place our children under God’s divine program to instruct them on heavenly matters. The Holman KJV Study Bible speaks of to “train up is literally to “dedicate” something, such as a building—to have a celebration commemorating the first time it is put to its intended use (Deut. 20:5; 1 Kings 8:63). Here, the child is consecrated to a life of godly wisdom (4:11). “Child” is literally “youth,” typically referring to pre-teen to late-teen years (1 Sam. 17:33). The Hebrew words translated in the way he should go speak of orienting the initiation to fit the challenges of young people. Youth are known for foolishness and lack of discretion (v. 15; 1:4; 7:7); left to themselves, they fall into disgrace (29:15,21). Thus, if a youth is initiated in a manner that is appropriate to his age (1:4; 23:13), it is likely to stick with him.” 1

Scripture advocates the beauty in bringing up our children in the instruction, discipline, and admonition of the Lord. Deuteronomy 11:18-21 (NKJV) is penned “therefore you shall lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. “You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. “And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, “that your days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land of which the LORD swore to your fathers to give them, like the days of the heavens above the earth.”

Fathers are given the important task of providing instructions to their children.

Proverbs 4:1-4 (NKJV) is written “hear, my children, the instruction of a father, and give attention to know understanding; for I give you good doctrine: do not forsake my law. When I was my father’s son, tender and the only one in the sight of my mother, He also taught me, and said to me: “Let your heart retain my words; Keep my commands, and live.” William MacDonald affirmed “child-training should be “in the Lord,” that is, carried out in accordance with His will as revealed in the Bible by one who acts as His representative” 6

Fathers, part of walking in the will of God involves biblically training our children in the Lord.

Fathers have a biblical responsibility to steer their children to the giver of life and salvation. Fathers should instruct their children about the law, statutes, precepts, judgements, testimony, and the fear of God. Psalm 19:7-11 (NKJV) proclaims “the law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; The statutes of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever; the judgments of the LORD are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. Moreover by them Your servant is warned, and in keeping them there is great reward.”

Fathers instruct your children in the ways of God. Fathers instruct your children in the morals, value, and integrity that God expects them to have. Fathers instruct your children in the love of God. Fathers instruct your children in the kindness of God. Fathers instruct your children in the mercy of God. Fathers instruct your children in the grace of God. Fathers instruct your children in the forgiveness of God. Fathers instruct your children in the knowledge of the sacrifice of God given through His Son Jesus.

Fathers make the declaration like the psalmist in Psalm 78:2-7 (NKJV), "I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings of old, which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, telling to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and His strength and His wonderful works that He has done. For He established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children; That the generation to come might know them, the children who would be born, that they may arise and declare them to their children, That they may set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments.”

Fathers take the stance as Joshua did in Joshua 24:15, “as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

Train up, nurture, develop, and spiritually form your child in the Lord. God has given marks for a godly father to be identified by. Fathers walk in the order that God has outlined for you. Be a godly father that has been marked out by God.

Notes

1. Holman KJV Study Bible

2. Stott, John R. W. 1979. God’s New Society: The Message of Ephesians. The Bible Speaks Today. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.

3. Hoehner, Harold. 2002. Ephesians: An Exegetical Commentary. Baker Academic a division of Baker Publishing Group.

4. Muddiman, John. 2001. The Epistle to the Ephesians. Black’s New Testament Commentary. London: Continuum.

5. Anders, Max. 1999. Galatians-Colossians. Vol. 8. Holman New Testament Commentary. Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers.

6. McDonald, William. The Believer’s Bible Commentary.